It’s That Time Of The Month Cookies

I am an oddball, I know this. Nothing shows that more than when Aunt Flo comes to visit. While some might get laid up or at least want to curl up in bed and binge watch Orange Is The New Black on Netflix, that isn’t for me. You see, when the tide rolls in around here, and I ain’t talking football, I get to nesting. It is the strangest thing. I never do more cleaning or more cooking than when it’s Shark Week.

It’s weird. I feel like a Valkyrie of old, a shield maiden of Rohan! My enemies blood is flowing and I am empowered. I will not only slaughter the meat for the meal, I will clean it, cook it, and sing around a bonfire wearing its skin. Alright, maybe not that far but I will scrub the floors and break out a batch of cookies to sate my damn cravings that is for sure. (While wearing the cutest little pink apron with cupcakes on it. I shit you not.)

These cookies come from it being That Time Of The Month. And when you reach my age, that time can last for weeks. It’s damn depressing. So what’s best for when that cloud of darkness sets in? I mean besides actually slaughtering a few things along the way because we are trying to avoid prison are we not? Chocolate. And not just a bite or two. Screw that. I want the stuff to coat every last taste bud I have and leave me having a mini-foodgasm in my mouth because sure as hell I am not getting pleasure anywhere else right then.

So here you have it, It’s That Time Of The Month Cookies. Bake a batch for yourself, a friend, a relative, or your spouse in hopes they don’t slaughter you because your boxers didn’t hit the damn hamper again! These cookies might just save your life, or at least your sanity for a few more days. Enjoy!

It's That Time Of The Month Cookies

  • Servings: 18 Cookies
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Double Chocolate Fudge Cookies

For when you need to keep part of your sanity while your life’s blood is literally eking out of you.

20181115_141616 These cookies keep for about 3 days in an air tight container on the counter or a week in the fridge but let’s be real. If you are making these chances are you are going to be found on the floor, chocolate smeared on your face and an empty cookie tin next to you about an hour after they are cooled. I’m not gonna judge.

Ingredients

  • 1 Cup Butter (Softened)
  • 1/2 Cup Granulated Sugar
  • 1 Cup Light Brown Sugar (Packed)
  • 4 Ounces Dark Chocolate Chips (Melted)
  • 2 Eggs (Room Temp)
  • 4 Tsp Vanilla Extract
  • 1 Tbl Cold Black Coffee
  • 1 Tsp Baking Soda
  • 1 Tsp Salt
  • 1 Cup Special Dark Cocoa Powder
  • 2 Cups Flour (All-Purpose)
  • 1 Cup Dark Chocolate Chips
  • 1 Cup Mini Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350F and line cookie sheets with parchment.
  2. Cream the butter in your mixer until smooth.
  3. Add in both the Granulated Sugar and the Light Brown Sugar. Cream for 2 minutes.
  4. Pour in Melted Chocolate Chips. (To melt, place in a bowl, microwave for 45 seconds, mix until smooth.)
  5. Add in Eggs, Vanilla, and Coffee until mixed in.
  6. Toss in the Baking Soda, and Salt. Mix until blended.
  7. Dump in the Cocoa Power and mix. (Slowly!)
  8. Slowly add in the flour and mix until just coming together.
  9. Add in All The Chocolate. Mix until well combined.
  10. Cover bowl and let sit for 20 minutes in the freezer. (This stuff is sticky!)
  11. Scoop onto parchment lined baking sheets using an ice cream scoop. About 4 to 6 per sheet. Give them space.
  12. Place in the refrigerator now and let set for 30 minutes.
  13. Bake for 11 minutes and then remove from the oven and let cool 10 minutes on cookie sheet. They will be soft in the center but the tops will look dry. (Adjust time for your oven)
  14. Move to cooling rack and let cool fully or until you at least won’t burn your mouth!

Rake The Damn Yard Cookies

I got to thinking the other day, most recipe names are boring, I mean besides Wiener Schnitzel and Snickerdoodles. Thing is though, even if a recipe has a sweet name that it is hard for you to forget, Spotted Dick, chances are you have no clue where in the hell they came up with the name. Seriously, who looked at that pudding with dried fruit in it and went, “Hey Bernard, this is excellent we should call it Spotted Dick!”? More than that, it is perplexing that so many people agreed to it and it stuck. Makes you wonder doesn’t it?

So here I am and from now I am going to give my recipes really out there names but I am going to explain just why they are called what they are. To kick off this most likely horrible idea I give you Rake The Damn Yard Cookies.

Why are they called this? It all goes back to a weekend in fall. I was home alone with the kids on a Saturday and things were going pretty decent for the most part. House was getting cleaned, food was getting made for dinner, time for a little yard work before the rain hit later on. One of my eldest sons chores is to rake the yard when it needs it and today, boy did it need it. The yard looked like someone had stuck a couple of M-180’s into the trees and yelled, “Hey y’all watch this!” The leaves were everywhere and frankly I didn’t know where the ground was beneath them anymore.

A quick informing to my eldest son that he needed to get out and rake the yard and I knew by the way he said “fine” this was going to be a battle. Bet you are seeing where I am going by now. Teenage angst mixed with chores and add in a dash of momma “oh boy don’t you make me call yer daddy!” and Rake The Damn Yard Cookies were born.

You see, when I get mad I don’t clean I bake. When you bake on a whim half the time you don’t have everything you need for this recipe or that and I bake from the hip. I just started throwing whatever I could could find in the cabinets into the mix muttering under my breath something about the lord needing to give me patience and not strength because if I had strength I was about to whoop that child even if I didn’t have a woodshed to drag him behind. (Can you tell I grew up in the south?)

Two hours later the last cookies came out of the oven and I shoved one at the eldest. He looked at me half excited, “Oh mommy made cookies!”, and half scared shitless, “Uh-oh she’s being too nice.” I won’t lie. Seeing that mix of joy and fear is a bit of a power trip for a mom. At least for me it is. It lets me know that I am finally back in control of the situation. He bit into the cookie and his eyes widened, he smiled and then devoured. Oh yeah, I hit the mark. “Now, go rake the damn yard!” I said as he finished the last bite. The yard was done within 45 minutes, bagged and at the curb ready to be picked up. JACK POT! Now that I have found a cookie that gets the yard raked, I figured I should pass it on to you. Enjoy!

Rake The Damn Yard Cookies

  • Servings: 2 Dozen Cookies
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Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies With Chocolate Chips - For when you need to bribe your kids to do their chores.

Rake The Damn Yard Cookies
While this recipe can make 2 dozen 4 inch cookies using an ice-cream scoop chances are that if you aren’t careful you will eat the whole batch within 1 episode of Game Of Thrones. Don’t worry, they have oatmeal in them, so that automatically makes them healthy. Right?

Ingredients

  • 1 Cup Butter (Softened)
  • 1 Cup Granulated Sugar
  • 1/2 Cup Light Brown Sugar (Packed)
  • 2 Eggs (Room Temp)
  • 3 Tsp Vanilla Extract
  • 1 Tsp Baking Soda
  • 1 Tsp Baking Powder
  • 1 Tsp Salt
  • 1/2 Tsp Cinnamon (Ground)
  • 1/4 Tsp Cardamom
  • 1 Cup Peanut Butter (Creamy)
  • 1 1/2 Cup Flour (All-Purpose)
  • 2 Cups Oats (5 Minute – Uncooked)
  • 1 1/2 Cup Dark Chocolate Chips
  • 1 Cup Semi-Sweet Mini Chocolate Chips

Directions

  1. Preheat oven to 350F
  2. Cream the butter in your mixer until smooth
  3. Add in both the Granulated Sugar and the Light Brown Sugar. Cream for 2 minutes.
  4. Add in Eggs and Vanilla until mixed in.
  5. Toss in the Baking Soda, Baking Powder, Salt, Cinnamon, and Cardamom. Mix until blended.
  6. Dump in the peanut butter and mix.
  7. Slowly add in the flour and mix until just coming together.
  8. Add in Oats, and All The Chocolate. Mix until well combined.
  9. Cover bowl and let sit for 30 minutes in the fridge.
  10. Scoop onto parchment lined baking sheets using an ice cream scoop. About 6 per sheet. Give them space.
  11. Bake for 15 minutes and then remove from the oven and let cool 5 minutes on cookie sheet. They will look a little soft in the center but hey don’t we all?
  12. Move to cooling rack and let cool fully or until you can’t stand the kids asking when they will be ready.